What type of relationship do you want with your horse?
Do you want a relationship that is filled with Passive Agreements? Contractual Obligations? I say this, you do that response?
Has your horse been called Stubborn, Mule Headed, Rude, A Dog, Disrespectful, Dull or anything that implies the "HORSE" has a character flaw?
Let's play around with changing our perspective for min.
Maybe she's not stubborn but smart with what has worked for her in the past.
Maybe he's not mule-headed (mules are very smart btw), but tired of being told to do things when he doesn't understand the "WHY".
Maybe YOU are perceived as rude in the way you ask or demand things.
Maybe he has lost some of his "horse instincts" and has become like a lapdog or you have not been communicating to him in "horse" language. Are you stuck in the "friend zone"?
Maybe she is feeling the need to defend herself, to be on guard around you. Are you bringing baggage to the barn? Maybe you have some imbalance in your personal life that is reflecting through your horse.
Maybe they have been dealing with your pressure being too loud so they have become "dull" to humans as a way to cope.
It is rarely the horse having a character flaw Horses are just horses, they have their own personalities, intelligence levels to bring to the table.
MAYBE it is time to shift YOUR perspective on the situation.
One simple example is that I have learned to say, "thank you, but that way doesn't work for me, let's try another way". And then to really gush with my whole heart when they respond in any way that shows a willing heart.
A simple exercise is STOP, SLOW DOWN, THINK, then try again. Try LESS, ask LESS.
Remember, your horse did not get to see the cover of the puzzle box. He only sees the whole picture when it is finished. So, break each step into its own mini-puzzle. When each puzzle is completed, you can start putting them together into a "puzzle quilt" - Really, each square could be as simple as, "low head", then "walk with a low head", then "halt with a low head" -- Soon your horse will be relaxed in its work and have a full understanding of what is to be done and WHY (the why will be another article).
IT'S NOT EASY lol and you will feel foolish sometimes, but hey, my pride is worth being in a win-win relationship with my horse vs one that is just full of passive agreements .
Just think about how rewarding it will be to make a breakthrough. The first few are the hardest. YOU CAN DO IT!!
- Sarah Orloff, Still Waters Equitation