I’ve been wanting to post about the big bad “F” word for a while now…. Yup, you guessed it -- FEAR -- Fear is a very interesting topic to me.
It is different for everyone and affects every single person differently. Fear can come in the form of a very small doubt up to full-blown panic attacks and PTSD. Some people are fearful in certain situations and not others, some it’s just on specific horses.
My first horse as an adult was a 16.1 (might not seem big, but I’m only 5.2 if the sun is shining) OTTB gelding who was starved and in a lot of pain (I found out after the fact). I did not set out to “rescue” but ended up being saddled to him - no pun intended.
He TERRIFIED me.
There were a few incidents where I truly felt my life was in danger. To this day if I go visit him my heart starts pounding. I had him for 2 years (I think) and rode him 3-5 times… I spent most of the time trying to keep weight on him. The woman who owns him now LOVES him and he loves her -- there is zero fear for her. I will freely admit that I have a very real to me physically fearful reaction to him. To him, I’m associated with a lot of stress. I was so thankful this wonderful woman came along and loves him so, as I was also fearful of anything bad happening to him if I sold him (who could love such a scary beast).
With that being my first adult experience it tumbled into my next horse, who was actually a great guy. Then after I built my confidence with him, I got my next and next, on and on.
For a long time, I'd clam up and be too scared to let go and have the enjoyment that I envisioned. I felt I was completely missing out on my “horse dreams”. I’d envision myself riding at a gallop, wind in my hair without a care in the world. I’d psych myself up and by the time I hit the arena, I’d be shaking, anticipating my horse spooking and falling. I wouldn’t let my horse actually move out and quickly found out that holding them back created an entirely different set of issues.
At one point I had my confidence crushed after spending months building it up. I tried different trainers and even sought help from fellow boarders. I knew that the issues were within myself. It was VERY hard to sort through all the advice, be true to my gut and be fair to my horse. I also did not want to betray any person who was trying to help me by asking others for the same help.
I had Many people over the years to try to help me... some helped and others didn't. Some suggested I sell my horse and give up, some said I needed to “toughen up”. Some said that my horse was crazy and I should have never bought it.
The ones that helped actually gave me tools to use for different issues, they built me up and helped me to see my potential and talent. They helped me focus on what I could do correctly. They explained what I was feeling, why I was feeling it and how to support it or fix it. One of the biggest light bulb moments was when a trainer asked me, “what DO you want your horse to do”? ----- I had NO IDEA ----- I knew what I DIDN’T want it to do but I’d NEVER thought about what they should actually be doing. Hmph!! That was a big wake up call to me.
I owe a lot and will be forever grateful to several people.
After several years, I gathered enough tools to understand what was really going on. I was NOT afraid of my horse. I wasn’t afraid to go fast or to have a blast… I was simply afraid of two things - Loss of control and trusting others (in this case, horses) and that pesky saying goes, “horses reveal our biggest fears”, I found it to be brutally true.
The road to overcoming fear is NOT easy. I don’t think we really get over our fears, I think we learn to cope and thrive despite them. Victories are not won because people all the sudden become fearless, they are won because people choose to persevere in spite of their fears. I think there’s a saying about courage that sounds the same.
Sometimes we are just plain ol' stuck in our own fears or "what if's". I still have moments of anxiety and a racing heart. Learning to put your pride aside and ask for help is very hard.
Having someone who understands and listens to what these fears are, is KEY to your success. I still have passionate instincts of self-preservation, but I've learned how to be more logical and confident. I've also gained the strength to voice what I am NOT good at (yet) and the humility to ask for help...
It's a long journey, we are never done or perfect. Make sure you surround yourself with the right support to build you and your horse up. Life with horses is ALWAYS an adventure, so make sure to fill your pack with the best tools you can gather.
Breath, enjoy, have humility, be ready to laugh… Repeat!
- Sarah Orloff, Still Waters Equitation